Saturday, 28 February 2009

A New Chapter

Now I've started this blog, I can't seem to get enough of it. OK, I admit its 3.10am and I'm seated in front of my computer listening to Kassav's zouk; and I wonder why....I try to convince myself that its OK, its Saturday today. I can hug my bed until noon if I wish. But hey, who is being fooled here? I'm seated in front of this blasted screen in the middle of the night not because I really want to, but because there's nothing more interesting for me to do. So I thought what the heck, I might as well pour out my frustration on this blog. That's what its here for isn't it?

The last vestiges of what I thought was a love live evaporated in a puff of smoke on Valentines day. I didn't even get a text from the direction where it was most desired. I resolved on that day to terminate what I'd thought was a relationship, one which had existed for just over a year. The fact that I don't miss the relationship as much as I thought I would, is proof that I made the right decision. I guess I was just holding on. I did get a message the next day apologising for Valentines day, but there are only so many apologies that a man can tolerate. Enough was enough and the time had come to move on. But then, move on to where? I think now I'm beginning to understand why some people stick to a bad relationship for fear of finding themselves single again, at a point in life when they really shouldn't still be looking. But when the person you love doesn't love you enough even to make the effort to send you Valentines day greetings, then perhaps you're right to consider your position regarding that relationship. Anyway, I'm single again and I find myself enjoying the luxury of being up at 3 in the morning. (Am I really?) I find that I am thinking about myself and my life more. I even have the time to start a blog.

So what is it about guys? Why do most of us have this ingrained propensity to be promiscuous? On Valentines day I saw M online on the site where we met in the first place, so I know M wasn't sick, which was the excuse I was given. I had always suspected infidelity on M's part anyway but was willing to tolerate it, insofar as it did not affect us. I was warned, but I suppose I must have been blinkered by what I thought was love. A new chapter started on Valentines day. I feel lighter and there is a new-found spring in my step. That relationship was more of a burden than anything else and I almost feel a sense of relief that its over. Don't worry, I'll keep you posted how I progress...:)


Tamaku said...

There comes a time when we must cut off those ties that hold us back. It's wonderful when we break away from these binds of a toxic 'love'. I wish you better.

Anengiyefa said...

Thanks Tamaku, yes I agree and now that I've done it I feel the better for it. Its nice not having to worry about this or that...a relationship should make one happy and ease the stress of life, not add to it. I'm more relaxed and even the air smells fresher :)

Amooti said...

hmmmm.....a fragile heart.

Free Surf said...

Don't you just hate it when your loved one is telling a white lie? What ever happened to orchestrating a good lie (I'm almost 100% good at that though my conscience gets in the way and I end up telling the truth afterwards) or just being honest about things?
With regards to the whole ingrained propensity to be promiscuous, I think it's just testesterone & lack of self control. This is where my insecurities come as a huge blessing as they help keep my pants on.

Anonymous said...

I've been going through your old posts and I must say I enjoy them when you write more about happenings in your personal life. I don't mean to pry but my curiosity always gets the best of me.

I guess my real question is- What's a same-gender loving person of African extraction to do with regards to love and life when you have no terms of reference and a hostile environment?