Thursday, 17 September 2009

Would you take the ex back?

The breakup all those years ago had been particularly acrimonious. There were late-night loud arguments, lots of shouting and cursing, things were thrown about. And because we lived together, the only escape from the turmoil was to end the cohabitation. But after we separated we have remained close friends and would speak to each other on the phone almost everyday. Some of his mail is still being delivered at my address, so there has been the opportunity to meet and sometimes we would do things together, like watch a movie, go out for a meal and even go to church.

Anyway, last Monday evening I arrived home from work to find that a few of his letters had arrived. He had told me the day before that he was expecting something important in the post, so because it was raining heavily and he doesn't drive, I thought the best thing would be to take the letters to him. I called his number and he said he was at home, having just arrived from work himself. And so I drove through the rain to his house, which isn't that far away. Sitting in the car I called him again on arrival to say I was outside. I was reluctant to get out of the car in the pouring rain; these were his letters after all...

R came running through the rain to the car, opened the passenger door and jumped in. I thought it odd that he was carrying a rucksack, but I said nothing. Handing the letters over I asked how his day had been, trying to make conversation. But R took over the reins and said that he was lonely at home and that we should drive over to my place. I thought nothing of this, as on several occasions in the past he had come over and I'd cooked special meals for him, since I knew what he liked. So as I drove back to my flat with R beside me, my mind was in the refrigerator at home, trying to figure out how much of each item was available, working out what would be the best meal to cook..

R had only last week returned from a short trip to Germany where he had been visiting friends, and he was keen to show me the photos. So as soon as we arrived at home he got unto my computer and opened up the pictures, while I got busy in the kitchen. It seems like old times, I thought to myself as I put the omelet together. We ate and looked at the photos and talked and it was still raining; and R was looking more and more relaxed and comfortable on the sofa.. It was becoming more apparent to me that R had no intention of going back to his place that evening, and my suspicion was confirmed when he stretched and yawned and said that he had an early start the next morning and was going upstairs to bed...as if this was his house. Now it was clear to me the reason why he had brought his rucksack along.

I was watching something interesting on TV at the time and had no intention of going to bed so early, so I too just pretended that there was nothing unusual about him going upstairs to MY bed. Much later, it was time for me too to go upstairs to bed and when I arrived in the bedroom R was under the covers. Ok, I assumed he was asleep, so I tiptoed around as I got myself ready for bed, but I won't say I was surprised when after I climbed into the bed he moved himself towards me..surely you don't want me to tell you what happened next, do you? :)

At around 5am the alarm on R's phone went off, waking me too. He got out of bed and made himself ready for work, went to the kitchen downstairs and made himself something to eat. And shortly afterwards he came back to the bedroom where I was still lying in bed to tell me he was leaving....just as he had been doing all those years ago. It was as if nothing had changed. Brushing my teeth later in the bathroom, I noticed an extra toothbrush in the toothbrush holder, one which had not been there the morning before. So R had left his toothbrush behind too, suggesting to me what his intentions are. He did not say anything to me and has not said anything since, but I'm not sure if I want to go back to those days of quarrels and shouting. To be fair, since we separated, we haven't had one single fight and I'm wondering if it isn't better that we maintain the status-quo as it is now..

12 comments:

Rox said...

ANENGIYEFA!!! (thats me exlaiming loudly with my hand on my waist!)....my dear friend, case of the ex is behaving like nothing ever happened. Like you are an item he left on the table and now expects to find in the same position! duh! He needs to explain himself well and tell you whether what you had was just shag or is it a comeback, and if it's a comeback, what are terms, what will be different this time. And he needs to pull his weight around the house too, you cant be cooking and doing stuff for his ass without knowing where you stand. Thats me giving you a little unsolicited lecture as friends should..... that said, it is nice to have someone sleeping next to you and bein confortable with you, appreciating your cooking, etc...all the best hun

Anengiyefa said...

Hi Rox, thanks for that. I think the instinct that I have is to resist any suggestion that things should return to the way they once were, because I quite like it as it is now..

That said, you're right, its nice to have someone around. Previously I didn't think that I was appreciated as I should have been and maybe he's learned his lesson. But trust me, I'm going to play hard ball if he tries to reinstate the proceedings. What happened on Monday I think of as an anomaly.

Well, thats my rational mind speaking, but we all know that we can't always be rational in matters of this kind, so lets see how things pan out, shall we... :)

Naijadude said...

I think conventional wisdom has it that he needs to sit his ass down and explain what his intentions are! What are you? A commodity that stays the same and doesnt complain? The sex might be good and what not, hence the sentiment you echoed "no fight since you broke up", thats the sex talking...

My dear friend, its fun to be with someone we like but I think communication is key, with everyone aware of their aboundaries... There need to be a talk where intentions and concerns will be stated and see if it will work well with both parties!

Goodluck ! :-)

Anonymous said...

That was a hot read but... I'm with Rox on this.

Bboy

Anengiyefa said...

Hi Naijadude, I didn't realise that I gave the impression that the sex was good...not that I'm saying it isn't, but.. I mean since we broke up, we haven't really been having sex that much, except perhaps on the odd occasion when we let our guard down, and this is the way I would wish to describe what happened on Monday night. It was just one of those things, or so I thought until I saw that toothbrush...

Hi Bboy, its great to have you around. Rox is right and I agree with her too. I'll try not to have too much to drink when I'm alone with him, hehehe

Rox said...

Well I do hope you can keep an open mind on this, and be a little more assertive, really. I am so with Naijadude on this, communicate your position clearly......what does not much sex mean? lol, jokes!!

Jude Dibia said...

Hmmmmmm! Keep away from intimacy and preserve your friendship!

Anengiyefa said...

Rox, I hear you about communicating my position clearly. Btw, was that "much sex" question a trick question? You know I never want to go into too much detail about stuff like that. :)

@Jude, I agree with you. Its only by being just friends as we have been, that we have kept the peace. And I'm not in a hurry to rock that boat just yet..

Anengiyefa said...

And Rox, in the hope that you'll eventually see this, I'm loving the new look of your blog, but I think maybe you've cooked it so much that folks like us can't post comments no longer...whats up with that?

Anne said...

Anengiyefa, why did you not explain what happened next...I was so hooked reading this.And am with Rox,he has to explain himself.

Anengiyefa said...

Hey Anne, its great to see you again. Of course you wouldn't really want to hear those sordid details, would you? He hasn't explained anything yet, so maybe it was just one of those our events that we've been having on and off..

Rox said...

Hey, dont know about the not being able to comment, although I'll admit I did leave it halfway done coz my awesome Eid ul Fitr weekend was beckoning......I've tweaked it a little, I hope you are able to post now. P/s: I dont like the font and the black but that's work for another day. xoxo