I have just been through a period of self-doubt. It's not that I have had any difficulty being who I am, because I am proud to be me. However, being African, as with most other Africans who are like me, living has meant being always in the shadows, being always careful not to offend the sensibilities of those around us. It has even meant denial and self-hate for many others, those who lack the courage and inner strength necessary to stand up, and speak out. But it is this latter course that I have resolved to follow. I will speak up because I have a story to tell. I have something to say. And I will say it, on behalf of and for the benefit of every other African person who is like me, regardless of what the consequences are to myself personally. And unlike several others who dare to express themselves publicly, I have chosen not to hide behind a mask of anonymity, or behind a pseudonym. I am who I am, and I am what I am.
I've been away from this blog for a while. I have even attempted to delete the blog altogether. I must have panicked. A few friends have asked what happened to the blog and I tried to explain that I felt I was getting carried away, throwing caution to the wind. But what was in fact going through my mind was a process of self-appraisal. I am a sincere person, and I am true to myself. It is for this reason that I will not deny my sexual orientation, or pretend that I am what I am not. What I have decided to do with this blog comes from somewhere deep inside me. It is the truth about who I am. And since I will remain true to myself and have no intention to deceive or mislead, I feel obliged to proceed with the blog in the same vein in which I started it.
It is my desire to express my thoughts as a modern day African man who is queer, but one who is also intelligent, educated, articulate, sophisticated, thoughtful, and resourceful; one who is kind and considerate. This is especially pertinent since I am from a place where people like me are misunderstood and misjudged by those for whom sexual orientation is THE defining factor of a person's character. As I continue with this blog I resolve to remain steadfast, and to hold tight to my ideal of being honest and truthful about who I am, the things that matter to me, and the things that affect me. And, also, to shed some light on what life is like for me and for the many others in a similar position as myself.
